“We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us” – Pogo (comic strip by Walt Kelly)
“David said to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’” – Bible (2 Samuel 12:13)
Julie had a horrible childhood. She was raised by an abusive stepfather who began molesting her at an early age. As a teenager she rebelled and began having sex with just about anybody who wanted her. She later went to counseling for help, and was led to believe she was a victim of her sin. Subsequently Julie continued to enjoy her promiscuity because her counselors reinforced the idea that “she is not responsible for her actions.” Even though she was a victim initially, she is responsible for her actions as an adult. As Steve Gallagher says in his book “At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry,” Misguided human sympathy only makes the situation worse.”
Gallagher goes on to tell this story, which I quote at length because it is so apropos. “When I was a young boy, I developed a bad case of German measles. The doctor told my mother that she must scrub my eyes out everyday or risk my getting an infection that could cause blindness. We were visiting my aunt’s home at this time. One day my mother pinned me down and tried to clean out my eyes, but when I started screaming and kicking in protest she stopped. Upon seeing this, my aunt grabbed me up and ‘mercilessly’ scrubbed my eyes! Now I ask you, which one was expressing godly mercy for me at that moment? Clearly, it was my aunt.”
In our society today we are very quick to blame what happens to us on someone else. We can usually attribute our misfortunes to three primary causes: things happen, other people do bad things, and we mess up. Often, we can take major blame for our own problems. We live in a sinful world, but we can choose how we react to the evil around us. That includes our families. Back too Julie’s story; she had a horrible childhood, but that didn’t justify her continued behavior. She had a choice.
We all have the choice as to how we react to what happens to us. I am reminded of a quote by Viktor Frankl, in his book “Man's Search for Meaning": “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
We may have had a difficult childhood. Many families today are struggling, single parents, abusive relationships, poverty, etc. But God has given us the ability to choose. As Joshua says in the Bible (Joshua 24:15): “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
If we are having difficulty in our marriage, or in any important relationship, we can assign blame in a variety of ways. We can blame God “because he let this happen to me.” We can blame our spouse: “If I had just married someone who was more affectionate.” We can blame circumstances; as noted above “we live in a sinful world.” I’m OK, so it must be someone else’s fault.
Or we can choose the better way. Perhaps we need to refocus our lives and bring in the vertical component. We tend to be so concerned with the horizontal, what’s going on around us and happening to us, that we forget to look vertically. As the song says “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”
A horizontal focus on others and their needs and concerns with the guidance of the vertical component, God, will have a marvelous effect on our attitude and our relationships.
